Payback.

Josh gets $100 bill from work for any month they go over $1 million in sales.  I'm not sure I can remember a month he didn't get the bonus, but we never really consider it part of our income.  It's just extra spending money for Josh or whatever bill needs to be paid at the time.

A few weeks ago, Josh went to Kansas City with Denny for a Cubs game.  In the process, Josh lost his debit card (which was later picked up by some a-hole who spent over $80 at some gas station).  Josh had to borrow money from Denny to eat the rest of the trip.  By the end of it, Josh owed Denny about $70. 

When his bonus came this month, he mentioned it and I said, "You should probably hand that over to Denny."  He said, "I was thinking that, or give it to Steve." 

I said, "I think Denny needs to be paid back first."

Josh says, "Ya, Denny has three kids.  Steve has a turtle.  Denny wins."

Breaking Stuff

Josh might be the clumsiest person I know.  Not only does he frequently hurt HIMSELF, but he breaks stuff (or at least knocks stuff over) ALL the time.  We were taking a shower together tonight and he knocked over a bottle of body wash.  Knowing that this was at least the third time he'd done this, I said, "Geez, babe!"

There was a lengthy conversation about how many things he's broken and then he says,
"We need to get a titanium lock box for your toiletries so I don't ruin your shampoo-zies."  

I said, "Did you just say 'shampoo-ZIES?'"

"Sure did!"

Independence Day

Josh asked me what I was going to do today.  I said, "Homework!  Yay!"

He says, "I think, on the 4th of July, you should be required to follow up your plans for the day with '... FOR AMERIKUH!  So... today I'm going to mow the lawn... for AMERIKUH!"

Good for you, Babe! :) 

Jehovah's Witnesses

I was home by myself about a week ago when somebody knocked.  I peeked out and saw an old man so I opened the door.  I stepped out on the porch and realized he was a Jehovah's Witness.  Dang!  They got me!  We chatted for a minute... I even told him I was an atheist.  He asked if he could come back some time again.  Uh... sure?  I went back inside and immediately face palmed!

He's been back three times now.  Once I was gone.  Once I hid in the bedroom until he left.  The third time I was on the phone with a person I legitimately couldn't just hang up on.  Josh was home and happened to answer the door.  I told Josh to tell him I didn't have time right now.

When he left and I was off the phone, Josh said, "He's just going to keep coming back.  You're going to have to deal with this at some point."  I said, "I know!!  But he's a sweet old man!  I can't be mean to old people!"

"I realize that babe, but look in his eyes... he has evil eyes," he said.

"No... he has cataracts." 

Take This Down...

I was typing up a paper on the couch next to Josh and he says,

"Geez!  You type like you're homicidal!"

I've been told this many times.  Perhaps I need to tone it down a notch. :)

Nipples

Josh was talking to me while I was in the bathroom brushing my hair.  I stopped to look at him and when I did, I just happened to notice that one was hard, the other was not.  I told him.

And he says, "I just had a stroke... well... I just had a nipple stroke." 

Ass Slap

I was bending over in the hallway gathering some clothes for laundry.  Josh walks by and slaps my rear.

I said, "EXCUSE me!"

He says, "Oh no, you weren't in my way - I just wanted to touch your ass.  Make no mistake... I WAS sexually harassing you."


Thanks, Babe!