The Force

Josh was very tired laying in his chair.  He had his eyes closed and was cuddling Otis, our Jack/Rat Terrier.  Roxy, our Havanese sauntered over to him and sat down right in front of him.  If you know her, you know she needs an invitation for just about anything - going outside, getting up on the couch, getting up on the bed, getting in the car, etc.  She waited for a while but he wasn't opening his eyes to realize she wanted to cuddle, too.  Suddenly, she squeaked out a single, jarring bark.  Josh jolted awake and said, "Jesus, Roxy!  Why do you do that?  Are you sensing a disturbance in the Force?"

If guys menstrated...

I reminded Josh tonight that I have my gyno appointment in the morning.  He said, "Aren't you on your period?"  I went over my last cycle with him and also noted a distinct change in length and flow since I've been on the new birth control.  He sat for a second and said...

"If dude got a period, they'd COMPLETE over it."

Sexual Assault

Roxy is very fond of a Pillow Pet that I received as a gift a while back.  She humps the thing.  Occasionally, she will go to town and we'll stop what we're doing to comment on our disgusting little girl.

Josh said,  "How do I explain to people that our adorable, sweet little dog rapes a Pillow Pet?"

Pickle Jars

There are some jars I JUST can't get open.  No matter what trick I try, the broken bone in my hand just wont allow the grip I need.  I frequently have to hand them to Josh for him to crack for me.  After he opened one last night he said, "See?!  THIS is why you'll never be President."

Sandusky

Sandusky was sentenced to 30-60 years today. Josh and I had a short discussion about it. He, like much of the public, thinks his sentence should have been longer, despite the fact that he'll die in prison anyhow. Josh's only hope is that his death comes early, perhaps orchestrated intentionally because, "Now the tax payers get to pay for that motherfucker to keep on living."

Prostate Exams

Josh and I were discussing the fact that, while it's cool that the NFL makes Breast Cancer Awareness a big deal, they should really bring testicular or prostrate cancer to the forefront. It's not talked about as often, and it IS particularly important for their primary audience.

This launched us into a conversation about getting prostrate exams and colonoscopies as a preventative measure. Josh was very clear that he will never have one, unless of course, a clear problem in the area presents itself. This kind of shocked me - considering the fact that I've had BOTH a doctor's finger AND a camera in my ass.

He said, "That has to be the worst and most uncomfortable, medically related thing I can think of - including being diagnosed as a Type 1diabetic stage 12."

Wow.

Halloween

I sent Josh an email with a bunch of Halloween costumes on clearance.  I asked his opinion on which he thought I should go with.  People at work dress up for Halloween, and since it IS my second favorite holiday, I figured I'd dress up.  Josh and I never do anything - because he hates it.  This is the response I got;

"Part of me wonders if you're just fucking with me.  A bigger part knows that you aren't.  I can't really make a recommendation, because all of those things are equally ridiculous.  Did you notice that the tiger has an inverted crucifix on the top of it?  I guess I'd go with that one, because nothing says 'pagan holiday' like an upside down cross."