Melting Pot.

Josh and I got into a heated conversation tonight that ended up in 800 different directions.

Our neighborhood came up.  If you've spent any time at our place, or heard my random complaints about the kids, parents, crime, etc... you might have a sense for where this is going.

Josh said, "We live in neighborhood with a diversity of MASSIVE FAILURES."  We proceeded, then, to talk about all the interesting "characters" that live around us.

1.  The dude that seems really nice until you start to notice that he's got a glass in his hand 100% of the time and reeks of booze.  Oh... and speaks frequently of the orgies he has.  No joke.  He's got three kids living with him and his wife in a two bedroom.

2.  The lady behind us.  She's pretty cool and seems sane enough.  But, she walks around in her underpants in her back yard.  Not hot.

3.  The multitude of children that play in the streets (or, more accurately, DART into the road way JUST as you're approaching in your car).  Where are their parents?  Like... three blocks away.  When I was kid, we played ball in the street... but when a car was at least 4 blocks away we yelled "CAR!!" and scattered.  No concept of danger.

4.  The lesbian couple with 2 (or 8?) kids.  Totally cool with these folks, until one half of the relationship can't control her anger and starts blaring Eminem while punching her garage with a 40 in one hand an a cigarette in her mouth.  Classy.  Then, she hops in her truck and peels out of the parking lot amongst all the kids running around.

5.  The couple who frequently fights in the parking lot.  They were a constant source of comedy for me until they moved away.  I have literally sat on my back porch, listening to the police radio, counting the minutes until they got called.  I laughed SO hard when she called him for being a "crackhead" at the top of her lungs.  Awesome.

6.  The crazy old man.  He actually owns a business down the street from us.  Pretty sure he lives in the same building, though.  You can't go anywhere near his property, ESPECIALLY if you're walking dogs... even if you're in the street.  He once chased a guy off his property (debatable since he's butted up against what is TECHNICALLY Union Pacific property).  He shot at him while he fled... and yes, it's a residential street.

7.  The creeper.  This guy is probably in his 60s and spends 2-3 hours a day parked along the road at the park down the street in the warmer months.  He sits in his truck and just watches people/kids in the park.  I've called the cops on him several times (this just seems fishy) but every time, his tailgate is down and I can't get a plate number.  To my knowledge, they have nothing on him since he keeps coming back.

8.  The pretentious college student who lives in the condo Mommy and Daddy bought for him.  Many times I've been smoking on my porch and he yells, "QUIT FUCKING SMOKING!" and slams his window shut.

9.  The couple who bailed out of their lease.  My landlord filled me in on this one.  Apparently I'm a heavier sleeper than I thought.  She kicked her boyfriend out and had a male friend sleep on the couch to protect her.  Boyfriend broke in and kicked the male's friend ass.  Nothing could be done since he was on the lease and she hadn't filed a protection order.

I could go on... but I'm starting to feel bad passing all this judgement.  Of course, not all these things makes each individual a "failure."  However, we aren't really comfortable staying in this neighborhood much longer.

Life Insurance

A few nights ago, I decided to get an online quote for life insurance on Josh.  I plan to get a policy going as soon as money isn't such an issue.  I was in the bedroom and he was in the living room.  Periodically, I had to answer a question I didn't know the answer to... so I was hollering from the other room...

"Hey babe... what was your blood sugar last time you checked it?"  Not so strange for me to ask.

"Hey babe... how many shots do you take of insulin in a day... on average?"  A little strange.

"Hey babe... what was your A1C last time??"  Okay... what?

Josh finally says, "Why?!  What are you doing?"

By this time I had my quote and said, "Getting a quote for life insurance on you... DAMN your expensive."

He says, "Promise me you're not going to kill me for the insurance money...."

LOL.

Interview Wear

I tried on my outfit I planned to wear for an interview last night.

Josh says, "I think you should wear black pants instead of khaki."

I said, "I'm wearing a navy blazer... that does not compute with black pants."

"Well, I just think you have a little Jimi Hendrix going on here."  (I had a fluffy shirt on under the blazer, likely contributing to the Hendrix vibe... but I couldn't see how black pants would change this).

So, I said, "I'm okay with that."

Don't ask you husband for interview apparel help.

Dying

Josh and I have a few shows that we've watched together religiously.  One of them is Intervention.  A&E came out with another show called HEAVY that started coming on right afterwards.  We got hooked into watching that, too.  Josh noted a similarity in both shows tonight.

They always say, "You're going to die if you keep [ fill in the blank ]."

"They need to correct this.  Everyone is going to die.  We all die.  It SHOULD be, 'You're going to die SOONER or MORE HORRIBLY if you keep [ fill in the blank ].'"

Skin Tags

Josh has a skin tag on his left shoulder.  I started playing with it tonight and he said, "WHAT are you DOING?!"

Me: "Playing with your skin tag."

Josh: "WHY?!  They're the most disgusting thing ever... they're worse than hair covered moles and goiters."

Me: "Why don't you go get it removed then?  Tell the doc you can't wear a necklace because it irritates it and they'll remove it."

Josh: "Nuh-uh.  That's still cosmetic.  I wish I could just use a fingernail clippers and snip it off."

Me:  "That's what Lydia did.  Apparently it's pretty common for women to get them when they're pregnant."

Josh: "You better not get one!!"

Me: "Why?!  What are YOU going to do?"

Josh: "Sleep in another room.  They're DISGUSTING!!"

Me: "What they hell?!  YOU have one and I sleep with YOU!!"

Josh: "I don't see how you can... I'm SO gross."


An evening in the lives of Josh and Liz.

Torticollis

If you don't know what it is, google it.  I had my first experience with it the first year Josh and I were together.  I woke up in an immense amount of pain and ended up in the emergency room.  I was MIA from class and work for at least a week and a half.  Totally helpless.  Apparently, it's pretty serious and warrants some heavy pain killers and muscle relaxers.  I've had 3 or 4 recurrences, each time with a quicker recovery time.

Last night, I felt it coming on again.  I quickly took some pain killers and laid on a heating pad hoping to lessen the muscle spasms.  It started to get really bad so Josh and I discussed what we were going to do if this turned out to be like the first time.  Josh said,

"If this gets bad I'm staying home from work on Monday."

I thought for a second... "oh how sweet of him!"  Wait...

"Are you going to stay home because you know you'll have to wait on me or because you want a day off?"

"Well... both... but I know you'll be helpless!!"

Thanks Babe.

Birth Control

Josh and I were discussing wall art.  We've decided to take EVERYTHING down off our walls and start fresh.  It's just a mess as it is in our place right now.  Furniture has been arranged too many times.

So, anyway, we started talking about the original artwork by Amy Williams (an Etsy.com friend of mine) we had done for our wedding.  Several were brought home by family and friends who attended, but we still had a few handfuls left over.  Josh says, "Hey!  We could totally use them in our baby room!"

I thought it was a great idea and kind of smirked at him because he's been talking a LOT about having a baby lately.

He says, "What?!"

I said, "Nothing... it's just cute how much you've been talking about how bad you want to be a Dad lately.  Should I be worried that you might start tampering with my birth control?"

He laughs and says, "Hahaha... no... I wouldn't do that.  I WANT to but I wont.  I actually thought about it for a while, then decided that wasn't really fair."

: P