Discovering Each Other

Once in a while, I come upon a question I cannot answer for Josh.  For instance, I brought some potato salad over to Sarah's for dinner.  I took half of it home thinking we'd destroy it.  But, then I thought about it and realized I hadn't ever seen him eat it.

When I got home I asked, "Do you like potato salad?"

"NO!  I HATE IT!  I've hated every bite I've ever had.  I'm passionate about my hatred for potato salad."

Okay then, I learned something new!

Making Money

Josh and I are HURTING for money right now.  The VA failed to tell me that if I take ALL online courses, I don't get the monthly living stipend.  This is what we've been paying rent with.  Fuuuuu-dge.

We've been able to make things stretch until this week.  Both electric and internet were over due and we just found Otis has developed an allergy to food with grains in it - prompting us to but some ridiculously expensive dog food. 

I texted Josh to tell him I forgot that I'd had a balance with PayPal so I'd transfer that over to help a bit. 
He responds, "Good deal... because I was considering robbing the elderly or possibly murder for hire at this point.  Anything to swell the bank account a little." 

Disclaimer: OF COURSE, he's being sarcastic.

Speak Much?

Josh came over to steal a smoke from me.  I told him I had split up our pack and left half on his desk.  He says,

"Damn!  Mhpmp flph ammmm... "  mumble, mumble, trip on my words.

I looked at him quizzically and he says,

"Sorry... I just had a seizure."

Burning Dinner

I came home at about 1:00 am from hanging out with Sarah on Friday night.  When I came in the house, I noticed a suspicious smell.  Josh asked, "What?" 

I responded, "It smells like burning."  (Which is a Simpson's quote for the fans out there)

Josh said, "Well... I DID just make some chocolate milk.  There was some smoke, but I didn't think you'd notice."

Traffic Jams.

Mom, Josh and I went to Panera for dinner tonight.  We were all talking about our latest traffic jam stories (Mom, on her way up to Minneapolis hit a storm that caused the temp to go from over 100, to about 60 in about 5 minutes... Josh went to KC traffic free until they hit the city limits and came to a dead stop... Josh and I went to Council Bluffs with mass amounts of construction and no air conditioning in the truck).

At the end of the stories, Josh says, "This is why I can't live in big cities.  I can't deal with that.  I could either have guns, or live in a big city... but not both."

Payback.

Josh gets $100 bill from work for any month they go over $1 million in sales.  I'm not sure I can remember a month he didn't get the bonus, but we never really consider it part of our income.  It's just extra spending money for Josh or whatever bill needs to be paid at the time.

A few weeks ago, Josh went to Kansas City with Denny for a Cubs game.  In the process, Josh lost his debit card (which was later picked up by some a-hole who spent over $80 at some gas station).  Josh had to borrow money from Denny to eat the rest of the trip.  By the end of it, Josh owed Denny about $70. 

When his bonus came this month, he mentioned it and I said, "You should probably hand that over to Denny."  He said, "I was thinking that, or give it to Steve." 

I said, "I think Denny needs to be paid back first."

Josh says, "Ya, Denny has three kids.  Steve has a turtle.  Denny wins."

Breaking Stuff

Josh might be the clumsiest person I know.  Not only does he frequently hurt HIMSELF, but he breaks stuff (or at least knocks stuff over) ALL the time.  We were taking a shower together tonight and he knocked over a bottle of body wash.  Knowing that this was at least the third time he'd done this, I said, "Geez, babe!"

There was a lengthy conversation about how many things he's broken and then he says,
"We need to get a titanium lock box for your toiletries so I don't ruin your shampoo-zies."  

I said, "Did you just say 'shampoo-ZIES?'"

"Sure did!"

Independence Day

Josh asked me what I was going to do today.  I said, "Homework!  Yay!"

He says, "I think, on the 4th of July, you should be required to follow up your plans for the day with '... FOR AMERIKUH!  So... today I'm going to mow the lawn... for AMERIKUH!"

Good for you, Babe! :) 

Jehovah's Witnesses

I was home by myself about a week ago when somebody knocked.  I peeked out and saw an old man so I opened the door.  I stepped out on the porch and realized he was a Jehovah's Witness.  Dang!  They got me!  We chatted for a minute... I even told him I was an atheist.  He asked if he could come back some time again.  Uh... sure?  I went back inside and immediately face palmed!

He's been back three times now.  Once I was gone.  Once I hid in the bedroom until he left.  The third time I was on the phone with a person I legitimately couldn't just hang up on.  Josh was home and happened to answer the door.  I told Josh to tell him I didn't have time right now.

When he left and I was off the phone, Josh said, "He's just going to keep coming back.  You're going to have to deal with this at some point."  I said, "I know!!  But he's a sweet old man!  I can't be mean to old people!"

"I realize that babe, but look in his eyes... he has evil eyes," he said.

"No... he has cataracts."