Butts

Josh was comparing our rears, insisting that mine was much more attractive than his.

He said, "Mine makes it much easier to turn down nude photo sessions."

I laughed and said, "WHAT?!"

Trying to sputter out the words while laughing he says, "Ya... cuz those offers happen from time to time."

Morning Messages on the Mirror.

One morning, I woke up to a messaged written in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror.  It read,

"So...

Your brush fell in the toilet this morning.  Sorry.

But I love you!"

Apocalypse Now.

Josh asked me to check our bank balance this morning to be sure he's good to pick up his prescriptions.  I messed around with the online banking first before calling them to figure out what the problem was.  Their computers are down.  No online banking.  No ATM access.  No ability for them to physically check the balance.  I'm not even sure our cards will WORK.  Awesome.  I love being so reliant on computers.

I texted Josh to tell him and said, "The apocalypse has begun!"

He says, "Not until next year, silly lady."

"Oh, my bad," I said.

He responds, "The date is 12/21/12 now." 

"So... EXACTLY a year from today.  Eerie much?"

"Ya...weird right?  We'll be fine.  We have guns and I hate people, so it will be easy to shoot first and ask questions .... never.  It would probably be a good idea to stock up on ammo, though."

Freaking Out.

Josh's truck wouldn't start one day before work.  He took my car instead.  When I woke up, he was freaking out about how we can't afford to fix his truck right now.

I said, "Relaxxxxxx... no reason to freak out, especially when you don't know there is good reason to freak out!"  (I suspected that the combination of him leaving his iPod plugged in and the cold drained his battery... he probably just needed a jump).

He says, "Freaking out unnecessarily is kind of what I do."

"I know.  It's one of those things I still haven't trained out of you," I responded.

"Good luck with that," he says.

New Words

Josh used the word "cowl" tonight in a conversation.

I said, "Oh!  I love that I taught you what a 'cowl' is!"

He responds, "You didn't, I learned that from Batman."

"Damn.  I need to blog this.  It's funny that I thought I taught you a word that actually, you learned from Batman, of all things," I said.

"Well, you did teach me some words.  Like decoupage.  That just sounds made up.  And exfoliate.  I didn't even have the context to ASSUME what exfoliate meant."

My Hillbilly

I incorrectly used the word "hick" when I meant to use the word "hillbilly" in a conversation with Josh tonight.

He said, "The 40% hillbilly inside me is thoroughly offended."

Gum.

I got some new deodorant yesterday and announced to Josh that this time, I got girly smelling stuff.

He says, "Dang, now I can't use it when I misplace mine."

I made him sniff it and he says, "That smells like gum... JUICY FRUIT.  It smells like Juicy Fruit."

We then proceeded into a conversation about quality gum.  I said that Juicy Fruit is probably the worse gum out there, "It's delicious for two seconds, then it's gross and hard."

Josh says, "No... there is NOTHING good about Juicy Fruit.  Losing it's flavor is the best thing that ever happened to Juicy Fruit."

Pause...

"Why is it even called that?!  What fruit have you ever had that tastes like that?!"

Addiction

I was using hand sanitizer as Josh gets back in the driver side of his truck.  He sniffs and says, "Did you just drink a BEER?!  Seriously, it smells like you just spend eight hours drinking at the Tip Top."

"Uh, no... " I said I held my hand up to his nose.

He says, "Okay.  But, just for future reference, I want to know if you're going to start drinking.  I mean, if you're going to decided to disintegrate into alcoholism, I wont be taking care of you and making excuses for you."

3 Stages of Grief

Josh and I headed to the grocery store today.  Since he didn't leave the house yesterday, I told him that the roads were nasty because, "First we got rain, then sleet, then snow!"

He says, "Ah, the three stages of grief!"

Sneezes.

Josh was making fun of how I blow my nose.  To be fair, I DO sound like a fog horn.  He says, "You make a whole deal out of blowing your nose...  but...  I guess I make a whole deal out of sneezing."

I swear, he either sneezes three times in a row... or like 10.

Then he says, "I LOVE sneezing!  It's like an orgasm for my face!"

Crafty

Occasionally, when Josh sees me knitting or crocheting, he says,

"One woman sweatshop."