Race/Ethnicity

I was explaining a job prospect to Josh.  It's a position at ISU working specifically with "disadvantaged students."  This includes those with disabilities, those from minority groups, those from low socioeconomic statuses, etc.  I said, "So, you'd sort of be part of that group... you're a non-traditional student."  He says, "And I'm in a minority group."  WHAT?!  "Um, yeah... I'M BLACK" and shoots me a look like he's offended by my oversight.

What's Your Course of Action?

When complaining about an ornery coworker, I told Josh to "Kill him with kindness.  Overt, corney kindness."  He says...

"A big, heavy chunk of steel to his melon ought to do it."

He's such a problem solver!

Video Games

Josh is a gamer.  He goes in spurts, but most of the time he's got some game he's really into.  We recently bought Call of Duty: Black Ops.  These are the only games (with the exception of the old school stuff) that I can really get into.  I'm willing to try any first person shooter and I usually get a little OCD about it until I've beat the game.  There are plenty of hilarious quotes I could insert here, but I'll start with the old ones and end with the newest.

"Wrong Button Pushing."  This is when, obviously, the wrong button is pushed, causing you to die, fail, etc.  This excuse should be used sparingly as to not make the other player suspicious of your actual "skills."

"NCAA fits."  This originated with Josh and his buddy Jason.  These are the freak-outs you have when you just CAN'T get pass something.  Usually, they involve a short lived fit of rage in which you stomp (or punch) the floor or a solid piece of furniture.  During a more rare and intense fit, one might throw the controller across the room.  Josh more frequently has these, but I'm guilty as well.  The most infamous incident involved me attempting the new "drum" feature on Rock Band.  I tried and tried and tried, but it ended with me throwing both drum sticks across the room, breaking one on the wall.  Of course, these fits are immediately followed by a feeling of guilt... and feeling of how ridiculous that just was.

The newest took place TWICE today.  I was stuck at a place in Black Ops.  Josh came home from work to hear me rant and rave about how STUPID the game.  We got into this HUGE discussion of how, really, the game was pretty awesome and started comparing thoughts on the story line.  We realized about 20 minutes into our "deep" conversation, that we were discussing a fucking video game.  Really?!  We're that lame??

Later, we're in the shower and I suggest ways I can get around this damn mission I can't pass.  Josh goes off and, in the process, I realize he's talking unnecessarily loud (I mean, how loud to you have to talk to somebody you're showering with??)!  I asked him, "Why are you talking so LOUD?"  He says, "Because I'm PASSIONATE!!"  Again... are we really that lame?!  :)

Vicious Toenails

When you're diabetic, you have to be super careful with your feet.  So, you either have a doctor trim your nails, OR, if you're like Josh and I, your wife FILES your toe nails down to avoid all chance of a cut.
Josh's toe nails get ridiculously long some times and he'll frequently jab me with them unintentionally.

Today in the shower (yes, we shower together regularly), he got me good in the middle of me trying to tell a story.  I said, "DAMN YOUR VICIOUS TOENAILS!"  He responds...

"They're not that bad!  I mean, don't get me wrong, I could PROBABLY skin a baby with them..."

I cut him off before the statement went any further.

Sleeping Beauty

If you know me, you know I can't function well if I don't get 8 hours of solid sleep a night.  I can't remember the particular reason I didn't sleep well, but the next day I was complaining to Josh how exhausted I was.  He says...

"You'll sleep like a drugged up baby tonight!"

Aww, you're so sweet.

More About Zombies

Not sure what started it, but Josh and I had a semi-serious conversation about what to do in the invent of a zombie apocalypse.  As in a will, we professed our "wishes," should we ever be infected.

Josh wants to be off-ed as soon as possible.  His only request is that he go out "with a bang."  Specifically, he wanted a shotgun blast up through his chin, preferably JUST as he busts through a door or window (Jack Nicholson style).  He also suggested that I record my kills.  This way, after it's all over I can post a video compilation of how bad ass I am.  Apparently the internet will still exist.

I requested that I at least get to eat ONE brain before he off's me.  He was disturbed by my request.  He also mentioned that the longer he waits, the harder it will be for him to shoot me.  I guess that's comforting.

We also discussed how long our dogs will last.  After a reminder from Josh that zombies don't really go after dogs, we decided that Roxy would just follow us around, in zombie form or not.  She'd probably be fine as long as she remembers to eat something.  Otis, on the other hand, would die quickly trying to protect us.

We ended our conversation imagining each other on the horizon of a destroyed skyline, the sunset behind us.  Our silhouettes detail only our outlines and our bad ass weapons.  Also, I told Josh that I'd probably be wearing my fanny pack. :P

Pillow Talk

Last night, we rolled over into our "sleep" positions and it got really quiet.  Out of the blue Josh says...

"What would you do if you found out I was a cyborg?" 

What?!  Is there something you haven't told me? 

Police Prospect

A while back I thought about testing to be an ISU Police Officer.  When I told Josh I was invited to the preliminary tests, this was the sarcastic rant he went on...

"Can we go violate the civil rights of rich white kids?  We could be anti-heros and apply massive King-style beatings to hipsters!  Rich white kids don't have their rights taken away often enough.  I aim to change that!  I want to be an unstoppable criminal menace!"

While he might be right about the "rich white kids," I thankfully chose NOT to be a cop.

Wedding Bells

Josh and I were married on September 4, 2010.  It was pretty non-traditional wedding.  We opted for a SUPER casual outdoor wedding with a "camp out/grill out" feel.  My brother married us (after he was ordained online) and we wrote our own vows.  These vows were much more like speeches.  I followed what I wrote verbatim.  He, however, went off on a few tangents along the way.

My husband mentioned the "ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE" in his wedding vows to me.

I can't wait to show the video recording to our future children.

He LOVES His Job

Not really.  I was trying to cheer him up.  If you know him well, you know that he's impossible to console when his mind is MADE UP.  This day, life sucked.

"It's hard to have a good day when people just walk around mean-mugging and being cocksuckers for no reason."

His work environment is friendly.

What's for Dinner?

Sometimes, I give Josh a break from the kitchen.  It isn't often, but I usually ask for his input before I run to the store.  He was still at work so I texted him asking what sounded good for dinner.  He responds...

"I'm starving.  I want bloody fucking beef."

Okay, steak it is.

Morning Text Message

Waking up to text messages from Josh can go two ways.  Usually, though, it's a statement of how much he hates his job...

"The world is lucky I can't afford ammunition."

Apparently he was having a bad day.

Band Practice

Josh has band practice every Friday night.  A couple weeks ago, Shawn, the drummer got really sick.  He announced that he wouldn't be there for practice on account of his "liquid death."  As they are accustomed to, all the band members gave him hell for it.  Josh, my husband told him to quit being a sissy... he COULDN'T be sick because..."Drummers aren't people.  They are cyborg-metronomes."