The Past Revisited

This guy I graduated with (whom I never officially dated but hung out with) has been on my trail for YEARS.  He first attempted to get back into my life back when I was with Sean (over 8 years ago).  One night, he stole a cell phone from a friend of mine and Sean's when we attempted to confront him in person.  We called the cops and he ended up going to jail.

He then proceeded to stalk me, made threatening phone calls and chased me in his car down Lincoln Way.  This went on for a while until he seemed to cool off (of course APD were informed every time something occurred).  Then one day, after several years of not hearing from him (and I'm now dating Josh) we run into each other at a bar I was at with Lydia.  Lydia tells us we should say "truce" and end our "cycle of hate" as she called it.  We talked briefly about what we've been doing with our lives and ended on a friendly note.

Then he pops back into the picture AGAIN.  This time he officially professes the love he's always had for me.  He says I'm his "soul mate," that we belong together and asks me to run away to Nevada (the STATE, not the city in IA) with him.  Of course, I said no and asked him to stop contacting me.  I blocked him on Facebook and on my cell phone.

Tonight, he texts me from a number I don't recognize.  I just switched phones and have discovered I have missing contacts so I asked who it was.  After a few statements that narrowed it down, I figured out it was him.  I tell him that I'm happily married and that Josh is going to loose his mind if he didn't stop.  He then proceeds to freak out... again.  This guys pattern is... Nice guy, nice guy, nice guy then I'm going to FREAK OUT when you reject me.  So, this is what Josh says...

"I mean, I should probably take it as some kind of sick compliment that this dude keeps trying to take my wife away from me.  On the other hand he has a propensity for trying to hurt your feelings which makes me want to shoot him in the neck."

He has a unique way of being protective. :)

Making Babies

Josh said last night, "If we have a girl, we have the potential to create a really hot chick."

"What??  Explain," I said.

"Well, look at the women on both sides of our families.  If the right combination occurs... I could need the shotgun more than I realized."

If our girl bypasses my rear and gets Josh's, my boobs, either of our eyes (mine are almond shaped with a cool hazel color... Josh's would just add mystery), either of our lips and a Mettille waist, we're in trouble.

:)

John Wayne

"True Grit" (the ORIGINAL) was on television tonight.  Josh and I were watching.  Out of the blue he says, "They should just reanimate John Wayne's body and make him president... permanently.  He was born in Iowa, ya know... we should rename Iowa to be 'John Wayne' but then Iowa would take over all the surrounding states..."

Dealing With Angry Kids

I pissed off a couple kids last week.  I didn't do anything DIRECTLY to them, but they decided to take their wrath out on me.  I had given another EA the pen he used to write up their FRIENDS.  THEY didn't even get written up.  I teach math to these two kids so their rage made it difficult to learn fractions.  They wouldn't speak to me or look me in the eye.

Josh was checking in on me through text messages to see how the situation was coming along.  I had talked to the Principal of the school for some advice on the matter.  Josh says, "Why don't you promise the school bully an extra chocolate milk for every one of those bitches he beats down.  Problem solved."

I laughed off his dark humor and said I didn't even think we had "that kid" at this school.

He says, "I'm sure you can find one.  It's the kid who's always pissed, probably kinda ugly, wears shitty clothes, and who everyone gives a wide birth.  He might be a wrestler."

LOL.  That was ME.

Bacon, Delicious Bacon

I just got out of the shower and Josh and I were cooking dinner together.  Bisquick biscuits, bacon and scrambled eggs was on the menu.  I was taking care of the biscuits and scrambled eggs while Josh and his hands of steel dealt with bacon grease.  Some fresh bacon came off the pan onto a plate and I fished for the older batch underneath.  I took a bite, discovering that it was still wickedly hot.  I leaned forward to keep from spitting out on the floor for Otis to eat.  My freshly washed hair dunked RIGHT into the pile of bacon.

Josh: "Uhm, yeah that's hot."
Me: "I realize this but I thought I grabbed one from the last batch.  And NOW I have bacon grease in my hair!"
Josh: "That's hot.  I'm going to make sweet love to your hair while you sleep tonight."

Creepy!

Where did I put that??

This isn't so much something Josh SAYS, but DOES.  He is the king of losing stuff.  Seriously.  I've tried everything to help him keep his shit together.  I made a bowl for him to put his cell phone and keys in so they're always in the same place.  That didn't help.

Honestly, he's gotten much better at the cell phone, wallet and keys thing.  However, recently we've had things literally just *POOF* disappear.  Before, I could join in on the hunt and the item would be found quickly.  Lately, though, it seems he has stepped up his game.

The other day we were making dinner together and I asked him to get another roll of paper towels.  He had just opened a new one, he claimed.  So he went looking for it.  We both looked for about 20 minutes, determined not to crack open another roll.  It made SENSE that it would be in the kitchen.  However, we found it in the back corner of the living room.  It was almost like he threw it over there and had no recollection.

Same day, I asked him to put new light bulbs in the overhead kitchen light.  We were down to one bulb out of three and it was getting hard to see what I was doing.  He gets up on the chair and changes the bulbs.  Then, when it comes time to put the glass back on, he can't find the little cap that screws on to keep it from falling on your head.  It's been several days and the cap is yet to be found.  He was standing in the exact same place on top of a chair the whole time he was doing this... WHERE ON EARTH did it go?!

Amazing.