Bamboo Needles

I was waiting impatiently for my set of 15 different sized double pointed bamboo needles.  I was explaining the differences between plastic, metal and bamboo needles to Josh for an extensive amount of time last night.  I lost him after I gave a list of the different kinds.  Even handing them to him and telling him to rub them together didn't produce an "Oh! I get it!" moment.

The needles came in the mail today and I quickly ripped apart the packaging.  The manufacturer is based in MN and apparently makes all sorts of bamboo products, including kitchen utensils, cutting boards, flooring, etc.  Inside the package was a tiny bamboo spoon.  Josh was standing next to me when I said, "What the heck could I use THAT for?"

He says, "It's for a very crafty coke head."

Option C

This morning, the dogs needed to be let out and we needed to make a run for cigarettes.  I asked Josh, "Would you rather take the pups out or go to the gas station?"

Pause... and picks up the longest knitting needle in my collection.

"I choose Option C.  Poking your eye out with this monstrous needle."

Sweet.

The Diva Cup

I bought one today.  I have the world's lightest periods and have the desire to spend NO money on "feminine hygiene products."  Before I thought to put it away, Josh saw it.  I was in the basement at the time and he comes downstairs with this really embarrassed look on his face.

"That THING... that thing is TRULY HORRIFIC."  ...Pause...  "We can never have a girl."

"What about me?  I'm a girl," I asked.

"Ya... and I ALREADY have to compartmentalize.  I can't think about how that THING is somehow associated with the parts of you I like to have sex with.  It's like somebody looked at a Dixie cup and said, 'Hey! Stick this in your vagina!"

Conquering Cables

I finally attempted cables in my knitting!  I was so scared of them until I watched a Youtube video.  I dove right in and pumped out a washcloth between dishwasher and laundry loads today.  When Josh got home I said, "Look what I made!  I conquered cables!"  LOL... as if he knows what they are.

He just smiled and said "Neat!"

I said something to express my disappointment in his underwhelmed reaction.

He says, "Look... unless you create Baby Jesus - and I don't mean some artistic interpretation of Baby Jesus, but THE Baby Jesus - out of yarn... I'm just not going to be surprised by your abilities to make stuff."

Doctors

Josh and I are very different when it comes to doctors and visits.  I would always prefer to have him with me.  He doesn't understand why I'd ever want to be with HIM, and prefers that I'm not be there.  He was trying to find a comparison to explain how strange he thinks I am and asked, "Okay, so lets say you're seeing a psychologist.  Would you want me to sit in on those visits?"

I thought about it for a second.  I decided that I honestly wouldn't mind.  Unless, of course, WE were having problems and I needed to vent about HIM.  There is no deep, dark feelings inside me that I would be uncomfortable with him knowing about.  In fact, if he isn't already aware of them, he could probably deduce them.  There is very little I keep "private" from him.

He thinks this is very strange and that I'M the minority.  So, I used the example of my friend Sarah.  "I went with Sarah to her first gyno appointment!  I held her HAND!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!"

I laughed a little and explained that it was her first time going, and she did not have the relationship with her mother that I did.  She didn't have the same support I had.

More Hurt

I injured myself again.  This time, not quite as embarrassing as a fall on the stairs, but ridiculous nonetheless.  Our mattress had scooted away from the wall.  I got out of bed and lifted the end of the mattress up and scooted it forward (with Josh still on it).  Not smart.  SHOOTING pain through my shoulder and up my neck.

I went to the doctor to get it checked out because, even at rest, I was in a lot of pain.  I had an xray to be sure the extreme tenderness in my collar bone wasn't a break (which, I assume wasn't the case since I didn't get a call).  She set me up with 2 weeks of physical therapy and if that doesn't improve anything, I'm off to the ortho.

This SUCKS.  My back hurt, but at least I could sit on the couch and knit all day.  I can't even do THAT!  if you know me, you know I have a REALLY hard time sitting still or not being able to be productive in SOME way.

Anyway, Josh had some interesting insights on this...

"GEEZ!  We couldn't even win at a losing game!  Shit just keeps HAPPENING!"

"It's not like the Cubs are trying to get you to the show in a hurry.  You don't have to hit 98 on the gun or throw a nasty slide-piece.  You just have to be able to lift your arm."  Always with the baseball... I get this, though.  I'm sure part of my problem is my history as an outfielder.

"On the bright side, you can legitimately opt of out of any manufacturing work!" - "I NEED to work, Babe!" - "I know, but this way you have to focus on where your skill set is definitely best suited, as opposed to the 'strong back, weak mind' bullshit that I've been sentenced to."  Alright, I'll give him that one, too... but I really DO need a job, regardless of what it is.

I said, "I'm going to go do some self-loathing now."  He says, "No you're not.  I'm the one who gets to live in a constant state of self-hatred.  You get to keep pushing.  Let me handle the negative stuff, I'm a pro."  He really is.

Valentines Day

I saw a commercial for Edible Arrangements on television tonight.  I told Josh, "So... apparently... if you get me fruit covered in chocolate for Valentine's Day, I'm supposed jump up and down with delight then have sex with you." This launched us into a conversation about the media messages we've received about this particular holiday.

Josh said, "Well, I'm supposed to get you diamonds.  If I don't get you diamonds, not only will I NOT be getting laid, I don't actually love you."

"Ah!" I said, "And I'm actually not obligated to get you anything.  I'm just supposed to let you shower me with gifts that mean nothing!"

We don't celebrate Valentine's Day.  We never have.  It's a contrived holiday... it's only purpose is to get us to buy crap for each other.

Josh ended the conversation with, picking up from an earlier one about politics, "I'd like to see a president who has the balls to come in and banish Valentine's Day."

EDIT:
Josh brought this up again a day later after seeing another ad.  He said, "So, isn't this just making prostitution legal for a day?  I mean, women are exchanging goods for their 'services.'  Why don't more women hate this?!"